Sunday, December 30, 2018

New Year and New Beginnings

Losing yourself and finding your way back - That was my 2018 in a nutshell.

I have always wanted to be up front and personal with you all and as the year draws to an end, i want to share my personal journey to self discovery with you all.

2018 was tough, the toughest year of my life to date. All through my life, i always did what people wanted me to do and what was expected; striving to be the best partner, the best lover, the best daughter, the best sister, and even the best employee. All these intensified when i met the love of my life, or so at the point of time. 

He was the spark in my life, the one who held my hand through tough times and good. The one who pushed me to work hard, The one who never left my side, The one who understood me like no other, The one who gave me personalized cards, The one who cooked every single meal for me, The one who shot all my content, The one who did all my laundry and The one that taught me the value of hard work, love and heart break. Because of my love for him and for our future, i dived into his family's business, putting in 3 years of hard work, sweat and tears. Behind this amazing platform - shooting content, answering all your messages online and countless emails, was another me, working alongside her partner, building his family's businesses and striving for a better future for both of us.

i felt infinite, that my life had a purpose and my purpose was this and i was his happiness. Till i no longer was. Due to our differences in life goals, we parted ways mutually. 

What we planned for - a future together with the business, a life together - disappeared overnight. I was so fixated on what was supposed to be our life together, that i lost myself completely. I did not know who I was anymore, what i'm meant to do and what made me happy. I lost my purpose and my identity. I lost all motivation to do what i enjoyed.

 From nightly tear-soaked pillow cases, to visiting a therapist and anxiety attacks, i just could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. But time heals all wounds, no matter how deep they are. Slowly but surely, with my family and friends holding my hand throughout this journey, i made it out of the tunnel. Spending time with loved ones helped a lot, as well as renewing my faith in God and pushing myself to be the best version of Salina.

As i bid farewell to him and the life we thought we could have had, i finally understood what it is like to lose your way and finding yourself again. That it is okay to lose your way at some point of your life. Sometimes, we have to lose our way to find what is our right path and what our purpose is. That we have to lose our way to rediscover what makes us happy, to rediscover what makes you, you. That it is perfectly normal to lose your identity and your purpose, and finding you again. That sometimes, it is okay to tear down those walls and tough fronts and be vulnerable. That sometimes, things just don't go according to plans and that is okay. Old plans vanishes for new plans to surface, old love leaves for a new one to come - just don't forget to grab the hand that comes along your way.

I never thought at that point of time, that i will feel the way i do now. Calm, positive and full of optimism for what's to come. So yes, time heals all wounds and i honestly believe everything happens for a reason. It is scary to go into a new year, without a concrete plan, but i will take what i have learnt from the old into the new. To live a little, have fun, love and be happy.

So thank you, to you all for being with me throughout this journey and thank You, for the great run together. And for believing in me always.

Looking forward to what 2019 has in store for me, and for all of you x 

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